The Girl found out this weekend that she wasn’t invited to 3 parties and a play date was canceled. For a 10 year old this is a lot of disappointment. It would even upset this 38 year old if it happened to me. Middle School starts next year and I can’t imagine it will be any kinder to The Girl. Getting your feeling hurt happens–maybe not so much at once, but it happens. It is so hard to watch a child’s self confidence waver and then plummet. Why Mommy? Why don’t people like me! Yea..heart breaking. After the let down about the play date The Girl enjoyed a splendid day in town with Dearest Hubby who boldly stepped in to the rescue. She came back refreshed and ready for her next disappointment which followed shortly after. But I thought she was my friend? What’s wrong with me? Yea…it crushes me to hear this as a parent. How am I supposed to respond? I reminded her that we all get left out sometimes and that parents have to limit the number of guest invited to parties just like we did at her birthday. I assured her that there was nothing wrong with her–that she is smart and compassionate and that she will be a better friend to kids when their feelings are hurt because she knows what it’s like. (I had to throw in a little Buddhist lesson.) And I made her tea. We sipped it slowly and talked about all the fun activities we have planned as a family. Tea is calming and rejuvenating and a wonderful thing to share between mother and daughter. Then I put her to sleep by rubbing her feet and went directly to the Gohonzon. I prayed that these little (big) hurts heal quickly and that in each one she learn how to be a better friend. All I can do is be there for her every time there is pain; boost her self confidence as much and as long as a mother can; and pray for her. What else can I do? Do you have any advise to share?
Freshly brewed tea
Aw, this is sad. And also sad because this was me back in the day. I think if my mom was more aware of what was going on and took charge to do things with me it wouldn’t have hurt as much- but I hid it all and she had no idea:( I’m glad you know though, and care.
I love it when you write, it fills me with tons of confidence and love.
My little one has this all the time, she’s not one of the popular kids, same as I. We struggle with this, as well it’s hard.
The only thing I can say is “so you weren’t invited, fine lets go spend some mommy special time” and it usually helps. I am not her “friend” but we get special time,
it’s utterly heart breaking though.
I want her to be the cool kid, not the outcast like her mom
Stinky girls!
It might me interesting to have her make a vision board that represents the kinds of friends and friendships she wants to have, and all the fun things she’d like to do with her new friends. I’ve actually done this before, at times when I’ve felt hurt and disappointed by my friends–it really gets you feeling hopeful and imagining a future with all kinds of fabulous new people you haven’t even met yet–that hope and openness functions to help to draw all those new people right to you!
I was the 10-year-old who only got invited to a handful of parties where the parents involved demanded their children invite everyone. It sucked at the time, but I made friends of fictional characters long enough to find my way to my real life friends.
I can’t imagine what this was like for my mom. I wish I could ask her what she did to help me, because I know she did have soothing words and the like, but I don’t remember . . .
Yes maybe in the end she will have a few really good friends. And in the meantime I love that you found fiction as a bridge!